Leading Dating Personals Searchable by Region

Be a success with Online Dating!

You may have a great personal ad... and a wonderful smiling photo to go with your ad... but things can still fall apart if you are sending out an awkward first message in response to other people's ads. What can you do to make that first message work for you?

Write in advance. This lets you think about what you want to say about yourself and, more importantly, check your spelling and grammar. Have a friend read and react to your draft message.

Spellcheck. Yes, this counts. It shows that you are serious about finding dates and willing to pay attention to details. Some people are just natural bad spellers, but it can make you look less smart or less educated than you really are. Most websites do not offer spellchecking of profiles.

Personalize! We recommend writing a general template of a first message, but you have to personalize it for each person you contact. Mention something from their profile, ask a question that refers to something they wrote, or describe how you would be a good match for them. Mention what attracted your attention to their ad. No one wants to think they just received a form letter.

Write more than one line. "Liked your profile... want to chat?" This may be the most commonly-sent message on a dating website... and the most ignored. You need to say something else. Set yourself apart and say something interesting to get a reply.

Use humor. If someone with a great personal ad is receiving lots of replies... what will make yours stand out? A funny line might help. But if you have noticed that people do not respond well to your brand of humor... save your jokes for later.

Keep track of whom you've contacted. Don't write a series of letters to someone who has not responded... you'll look desperate or like a stalker.

Make Sure You

Don't demand personal info immediately. Certainly not if you have failed to offered any details yourself. Go for a balance between talking about yourself and asking about them.

Don't open with your last failed relationship. Sure, you have a dating history. But talking about "game players, liars, and cheats" makes you sound a little bitter. Don't sound like you are obsessed with past partners... or that you think everyone will hurt you.

Don't open with sex. "Hi. You look sexy." Unless the person's ad specifically says they only want a casual sexual relationship, it can easily sound vulgar and rude. Women, in particular, typically delete those messages. When men get letters like that, they often expect a link to a porn site to follow. Even on a website that focuses on "adult activities," you need to do more than describe your body or fantasies.

Don't write a novel. Sending out your life story as a first contact is going to look odd. You need to write enough to sound like you have a life, not a book you'd like to publish.

Don't open with "I hate online dating." It is amazing how many people open a note with a line that condemns online dating sites and the people that use them. You are talking to someone that uses a dating website! Do you really want to immediately imply that they are desperate, dumb, or dangerous?

Don't ask for a phone number, address, or last name before you have even gotten a reply from someone. You may be mistaken for a serial killer or a telemarketer. Go slowly in asking for that sort of information; you don't want to scare off prospective dates.

• Meet your date out and drive yourself. If you want to bail out early, you won't be trapped. Also, when you have your own car. If things work out, you won't have any worries about inviting your date in or not. This helps protect you from your own impulses, because what's worse then "will he respect me in the morning?" is "How much will I hate myself when I wake up?". Also when you have your own car, no need to worry about safety, your date does not know where you live. This protects you from a date turned bad turning in to a stalking nightmare.
  
• Keep the date simple. You're nervous enough without making a big show, plus you don't want to lock yourself in to an evening you won't enjoy.
  
• Men, end the date first. You will make yourself stand out.
  
• Women, don't wear anything low cut or short. It sounds like an old cliché but your first date knows very little about the woman you are. He will take you at face value and you don't want to give the wrong impression.
  
• A friend of mine went out for dinner on a blind date. She is a very conservative women, who really likes to take her time in relationships. All of us who know her know this about her. Her date didn't. She went out on the date wearing a sexy low cut cocktail dress. They went to dinner, had a wonderful evening, and when he walked her to her door, he pounced on her! She was of course surprised and upset, but her date didn't know her, he just took her at face value.
  
• Wear clothing that you are comfortable and confident in. First dates are uncomfortable enough without a tight belt biting you around the waist.
  
• Men, be specific about where you are going. This will make the date more comfortable, and will prevent her from wearing a cocktail dress when you are taking her bowling.
  
• Ask about your date . Each of us knows we are the most interesting subject :) But the most interesting conversationalists are people who ask about others. Great light topics are work, hobbies, sports, kids (if they have any).
• Easy on the perfume. You want to knock his socks off, but you don't want to knock him out!
  
• Don't forget to use mouthwash before you go out.
  
• Don't order sloppy food. If you are not paying for what you order, try to stay in the middle of the menu.
  
• Keep the conversation light! Don't talk or ask about old boyfriends, girlfriends, or ex-spouse. This is a first date, not a therapy session.
  
• Find out about your dates eating habits before you plan the evening. Make sure you choose a place where they will be able to find something to eat.
  
• Be attentive! There is nothing worse then a date peering over your shoulder making you feel as if they are looking for something better.
  
• If you are not paying be considerate of what you order. Try to stay in the middle of the menu.
  
• And last, but not least, have fun and be yourself!